Mask or Raid

Check Your Ego at the Doors of Peception

How real can you be?  Can you let down that front of aggressive machismo, the flatline of being “cool” – expressionless lest you be discovered as authentic?  In some ways, I can’t blame you – this society seems to classify the rollercoaster of human emotion as a problem to be solved with pharmaceuticals – those who laugh, cry and get angry within an hours time are labeled “unstable.”  To cry for no “explainable” reason has been viewed as weakness.
I invite you to look through another window.  What I’ve come to experience in this lifetime has taught me that true courage is crying instead of choking tears back; true bravery is getting up in front of a crowd and exposing your vunerability… it is failing beautifully with all of your being, admitting your mistakes with a smile, being able to laugh at yourself before anyone else, and walk into an unfamiliar situation ready to live each moment of emotional expression before complete strangers.
Now I’m not saying that any of this is easy.  When you decide to walk the path of vunerable authenticity, you embark upon a journey entirely your own.  You become a pioneer; exposed to the elements of ridicule, the arrows of judgements, and the traps of external validation.  In the end, all you’ve got to show for life is you...
Observe independent of other observes
Lead independent of other leaders
Perform independent of other performers
Love independent of other lovers
Be independent of other beings

Prize the I's

Surprise the eyes,
Surmise past the disguise;
The skies rise to realize
The truth we live
Changes with each moment…
All these thugs,
Pretending their machismo
Is actually tough
When they’re only rough
Enuf to stuff
Their real truth
Under the rug
And shrug
When their soul drifts away
Consumed by trends, fashions and fronts


Flattery comes to me occasionally
But right now I feel flatter than me.
The ego goes away sometimes,
but comes back with force;
Forcing itself upon my soul
and demanding recognition
as the true supreme being.
I realize that I AM
I realize that Ryan Beauregard, MtnRion and Dolphinity
are All Disguises of God;
labeling the divine
as something its not.
Feeling alone,
isolated, small, without connection.
I flow with these cycles of moon,
From a goon full of wound,
To an angel out of his shell,
Fresh with motivation, passion and inspiration.
At times, the polarity confuses me –
Society never conditioned me
to accept these fluctuations as anything but insanity.
So in the past, I masked the shame with a smile.
Now every mile I walk,
I wear the real emotion on my sleeve
And am learning to express fear, anger and sadness
With as much pride as the ever-present estatic joy
just waiting to be discovered on the other side
of whatever emotion masks it.
So here I AM,
Hiding behind the wheel of expression
of each moment
Of the man known as Rion.

Sit! Tore! Hee-he...

A very beautiful, very wise woman once told me to open my heart to that which I fear most.  To host the demons at a celebration of my creation where we actually get to know one another.  So don’t be offended when I tell you that you scare the shit out of me. Bee Trail or Be Trey Hell? Either way, this demon you've introduced me to tore away the last shreds of our bridge called trust. I was gifted vinegar with a label that read, "Pinot Noir." I've since crushed naivity into wine. Daily I am drunk on assertion, boundaries, and the intution to distinguish vunerable authenticity from deceit.

© 2003